new car

i was on my way to see Over the Rhine 's Christmas show on Thursday with some friends from college when my car started to get a little crazy.

to make a long story short, it was a rough night, which ended in a brand newwww carrrr.
i didn't normally feel particularly sentimental about my car. i really liked it, spent a lot of time in it, and was glad to have a vehicle. but it didn't have a name, was often messy, and i just really didn't think i felt that emotional about it.

but when i was cleaning it out before saying goodbye, i realized that i was really attached to that thing.



we've been through a lot together.
i learned to drive in that car.
we took many trips to and from college.
it was the place i first wept after breaking up with my long time boyfriend.
so many road trips, getting lost, laughingggg, heartfelt prayers, rich conversations, and dance parties were had in that car.




here i am with my 2010 honda civic. i love the color. i got another manual car, to bring a little bit of the old along with the new.
it has a lot to live up to, but me and my new car are starting a life together.
here's to all the adventures to come!

it feels like it might be hope

i've been listening to Sara Groves non stop the last few days. she has several new songs that are really beautiful but it might be hope has resonated with me in really powerful ways. she writes about the way sometimes hope sneaks up on you and in the midst of a season of darkness something strikes you and ....

it's been a while since i felt this
but it feels like it might be hope

i feel like hope has hope has turned its face to me in that beautiful, gentle way that makes me stop and say "it feels like it might be hope."

and then tonight loneliness snuck up on me in a similar way. in a way that was a sharp ache in the soul that makes my breath catch in my throat a bit. (does that make sense at all???)

in some ways it was a good reminder. hope and loneliness are not opposites. rather hope says that this lonely ache is not the end of the story. and because of that hope and loneliness can coexist.

good food and good "company"

I have really grown to enjoy cooking, but I hardly ever have the time I need to cook some of my favorites. So tonight I decided to cook a delish meal for myself, Champagne Asparagus Risotto. (I play around a bit, but use this recipe as a base.)

I love cooking Risotto, because it's so slow. it's such a process. and you have to keep a close watch on it so it doesn't stick too much to the pan. it forces me to slow down. to breathe deeply as I wait for the process.

I live alone, so I honestly usually eat in front of my computer or tv, even though I kind of hate that. (I'm realizing lately how much of a walking contradiction I am. I'm pretty sure we all are, so I feel pretty ok about it.)

But tonight I decided to finish the rest of the champagne, light some candles, enjoy my Christmasy table, and sit. really taste the goodness of a well made meal.
I talk a lot about sabbath, and incorporating a bit of the sabbath into every day. Lauren Winner says that on the sabbath time as we know it ceases to exist. sometimes we taste moments of that in the everyday and God shows up in really beautiful ways. tonight was a bit like that.



Over dinner, I read The Nativity, which is to say that I lingered over the incredible images of this children's book. It's the text of the KJV with the most beautiful watercolors depicting the Nativity. Mary is incredibly pregnant, the angel wears combat boots, and I'm reminded of the humanity of the story along with the wonder of it all. And over my slow dinner, sipping champagne, really tasting my food....I found myself weeping a little bit.



I really hate it when people say that "someday" I'll be grateful for the nights I spend alone and wish I could have them again. I hate it for a lot of reasons. but one of them is that I don't want to be grateful someday, I want to be grateful today. So today I was. And that's not always the case. But tonight time was different, and I felt grateful for a moment to linger at the table with some beautiful images of the Christchild and truly experience Emmanuel, God with us.